“who are you wearing?”

The Artist stole the show at the 84th Academy Awards on Sunday, Meryl’s a third-time winner, blah blah blah. You know the story. It’s all about the dresses for me, so here’s a run down of my thoughts. All opinions are my own, and please do dispute them if you think otherwise.
So, firstly I’m going to say that as with the majority of awards ceremonies this year, nothing has made me gasp or has blown me away. There were some truly beautiful looks, but I have to say that I’m a little disappointed that there wasn’t a Jennifer Lopez triumph (there have been a few over the years) or Penelope Cruz pulling one out of the bag. The fact that I haven’t even featured them speaks volumes. Secondly, I really think that some of the best looks came from the “also-rans”… the Vanity Fair invitees. All in all, it was a pretty risk-free affair. I just hope that Helena Bonham-Carter brings some crazy to the party next year.

Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton – My favourite look of the night. She couldn’t actually look any cuter. Great colour, great fit… she just always looks so poised. A poised little elf.
Maria Menounos in Maria Lucia Hohan – I’m not really sure who this person is but wowzers, this is how you do Grecian. And bang on trend with the colour.
Leslie Mann in Roberto Cavalli – Not on too many critics’ lists, but Leslie is killing this look. This is toned-down Cavalli, and I like it.
Jessica Chastain in Alexander McQueen – Again, not quite sure who this person is (just Googled – The Help, huh? I really need to catch up with that film), but this dress on her is perfection. The copper tones complement her hair so well. It’s a brave choice but is more than pulled off.

Octavia Spencer in Tadashi Shoji – Safe. Glittery. Sold.
Maya Rudolph in Johanna Johnson – Aubergine and silver is working a treat. Gorgeous side-swept hair too. Girl done good.
Emma Stone in Giambattista Valli Haute Couture – Hmm, it’s a bit… bow-ey. But the colour is delicious and at least she taking a bit of risk which was lacking a tad this year (where’s Blanchett when you need her?).
Cameron Diaz in Gucci Premiere – Meh. I guess it’s very California Girl, which Diaz likes to go for, but the bottom half looks like she had a fight with a bunsen burner and lost.

Meryl Streep in Lanvin – Somewhere out there a tin of Quality Streets is short a toffee penny.
Natalie Portman in vintage Dior – Oh Natalie. Such a fall from grace (see here). Please tell me you didn’t ask your child to choose your dress a la Sarah Michelle Geller. So dull.
Rooney Mara in Givenchy Haute Couture – I just… I just don’t get it. If anyone would care to explain, please do. And she needs to stand up straight; she’s right out of the Gwyneth Paltrow school of hunching.
Viola Davis in Vera Wang – Coming to the Oscars in what only can be described as astroturf is not what one should be aiming for.

Stacy Keibler in Marchesa – Stacy is clearly competing for Best in Show. So much so, she’s already awarded herself a rosette.
Louise Roe in Black Halo – This woman is a stylist. A stylish stylist. Therefore I can only assume she’s wearing this for a bet. And those teeth are off the white scale.
Gwyneth Paltrow in Tom Ford – Now, the world and his wife are singing Gwynnie’s praises over this number. However, I rocked this look way before her. When I was 8. Bed-sheet-as-cape scenario.
Kristen Wiig in J. Mendel – I want to take Wiig by the shoulders, shake her, and scream, “why didn’t you ask for this in colour?!” Which would have made it all kinds of amazing.

Kim Kardashian in Alaia – Nice work Kiki. Strong effort.
Victoria Beckham in Victoria Beckham – VB needs some sleep. The poor lamb is so exhausted that she looks almost cross-eyed recently. “Who are you wearing?”… “Me.” That shiz is surely never gonna get old.
Katie Holmes in Elie Saab – A return to form from Joey Potter. Midnight blue Elie Saab… well, that’s never gonna suck, is it.
Olivia Wilde in Gucci – Oh, she’s good. Simple done right.

Honey, Jennifer Aniston called…

She wants her leg back.

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