on the same page

Some email forwards are just not funny and you’re embarrassed for the person who passed it on (maybe they were promised 10 years of bad luck or death or something if they didn’t). But some are so brilliantly spot on that you suddenly feel like despite any fighting or unrest that may go on in this country (ok, so we’re not war-torn, but there’s the occasional scuffle), that everybody is in fact on the same page… in our generation at least. And suddenly the world is a nicer place. This is one of them:

- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

- There’s nothing worse than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

- I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?

- Have you ever been walking down the street and realised that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the pavement.

- Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

- There is a great need for sarcasm font.

- Sometimes, I’ll watch a film that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

- I think everyone has a film that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.

- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

- I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

- LOL has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I’m not witty enough to come up with something clever to say”.

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire queue of cars teams up to prevent someone from cutting in at the front.

- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to a lawyer and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)…ummm…Goonies”

- What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my village.

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Jeans? Jeans never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

- I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least a little bit tired.

- Why don’t interrogators ply suspects with alcohol? You reveal all your secrets when you’re drunk.

- Bad decisions make good stories.

- Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Nintendo Game Boy that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!

- Is it just me or do secondary school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem…

- Slow walkers should be fined.

- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything else productive for the rest of the day.

- There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

- I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

- “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

- When I meet a new guy, I’m terrified of mentioning something he hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

- I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

- Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

- It really annoys me when I want to read a story on BBC News and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

- I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

- Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the g-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I bet everyone can find and push the Snooze button from a metre away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

- I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’

Any of these strike a chord?! Happy Friday everyone.

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